creativity: make something beautiful

blogging, illustrating, writing, building, creating requires a mood. creativity is unbridled when it's me + music + hardwood floors + cloves. but throw me into a cubicle and watch as I struggle.
I bring to you some ideas:
• a photo journal of pictures of my hands over 10 years.. a picture a day. it seems our hands age the quickest
• an interactive/illustrated T description
• an installation piece on technology as a lover

sometimes I wish I was left to my own devices

T

You'll never know what it's like to be on T until you are. You'll have vague ideas of what it might be like but really.. it's much different than you think. Think.. primal. Think food, sex, flesh and fuck. Think now now now now. Don't think about anything really at all. Then you'll get a glimpse. I am just happy that's all I am getting on my low dose. A full dose would turn me into a fucking dick.

it's a big thing

at this point and time. I feel purposeless. It's weird. I don't know why.

Lonely-Separation

my sadness is invisible to most.
I don't like to lay the burden on others.
but I spend most nights
laying around. Thinking of life before and after her.
and the inbetween.

and of my family. that I built.
my family of three reduced to one.

and of his furry little face
and her brown eyes.
their excitement at my arrival home
their complete love for me.

I didn't exist as a woman or man to them.
I just was.
I was their comfort
their strength
and they are mine.

'i am so heavy... heavy in your arms'-florence

androgyny is in

Top surgery

I had my surgeon see if my insurance will cover top surgery. I am beyond ready (and still scared). I've been working on my fitness and lost some weight. But not having chest surgery really kills my working out buzz.

Anyways, praying that insurance will cover it. :)
Then hopefully I'll look like this transguys!:

http://youtu.be/mhJ4Oth5vgE

in relation to the death post